Maybe God doesn't care what career
pursuit I choose. Maybe He doesn't care whether I am a math teacher
in Europe, or a car mechanic in Minnesota. Maybe the significance of
my career rests not in my enjoyment of it or my competence at it,
but in the focus that I have every day. In other words, I'm looking
for meaning and purpose in what I do (and want to do), but what if
that meaning and purpose is a result of my focus and not what I do?
That would mean that I God doesn't car what I do, and I am therefore
wasting a lot of effort looking for the “right” career - one that
I enjoy and that utilizes my strengths. Let's take a step back.
See, I have this unexplained sense of
what is right and a desire for it– not perfect, just constructive
and healthy. And I'm wondering if that is something that I should be
concerned about. I'm wondering if this sense of rightness (or lack
there of) is causing me to disregard things that God gave me to value
– or pursuits that He directed me towards.
I'm realizing that as my focus changes
from myself to others, the rightness of everything suddenly becomes
an insignificant issue. And that makes me think that my sense of
right was there only for myself and not for others. And so it saddens
me that I caused pain and hurt all in the name of “right”,
because I let that sense dictate how I related to others.
So between myself and other people,
there has been a lot riding on that fallible sense of what is right.
I wish that I could do some things over, I guess that as I mature I
will always see things that I wish I could do again. Maybe the best I
can do is to look ahead and trust that God will give me another
chance to try again.
I don't know what I should pursue, but
I do know that I want to be somewhere where I want to bring God with
me. And somewhere that He can use my strengths for His glory, and I
guess that the enjoyment will come from that...
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