Here's to family

I have a policy of not directing my posts towards anyone, but I am not adhering to that this time, please bear with me.

I have a younger brother named Christopher. I love him, I always have. And he wants my love, but he's just a child and doesn't have much to give me – except for his life. So he has opened up his heart to me, he trusts me, not because I've earned it, but because he loves me! And I've wronged him; and I am noticing just how much “abuse” he has taken from me – and it makes me wonder why he still loves me.

See, I'm focused; and when I'm doing something I don't like to be interrupted. And I'm self focused; am only looking out for my interests and feelings. At least, these are my weaknesses. So I hurt him. He comes to me and asks for me to play with him, or to read him a story and I brush him off. Or he grabs a wrench and screwdriver and crawls under the car with me and I tell him to get out from under the car. Or he see's me sitting alone and comes over with his snack and sits next to me and I get up and leave, just cause I want to be alone. He has a heart that stride for stride matches mine for compassion and love, and he keeps coming back. When I'm hurt I leave well enough alone, but he doesn't. He tries again. He has just absorbed the disgust and anger that I channel towards him in my weakness. He see's me hurting, he can sense what I am feeling and he just wants to show me that he loves me. He just wants me to accept his gift. He has put hims heart in the palm of my hand and said, “See Craig? It's yours.” And I don't deserve it, I'm not worthy of his trust – I hurt him and disregard him. But he says, “That's alright Craig, you don't have to deserve it, I love you anyways.” And that is from his heart. He has taught me. I'm four times his age and have 12 years of schooling on him, I'm his older brother – but he's the one looking out for me – and I'm the one looking up to him. Just because he loves me, just because I'm his older brother.

Maybe it seems that I am painting a glossy picture, but I am trying to be honest – when I look at him I don't see his exterior with whatever flaws he has, I see his heart; and that is where I read all this. And I only wish that I could give back, as effectively as he gives to me. And I don't.

Maybe someday Christopher will read this; maybe sooner, maybe later. I want him too, I want him to know that I love him. I want him to see that I respect him, that I trust him, that I look up to him. And that I want to be a good influence. A good, big brother.

Thank you for loving me Christopher. Thank you for being a good brother to me. I love you.

P.S. I like this picture, it captures the reality between Christopher and I...