I need a dream, I need a focus, I need a purpose- if I lose that, then I lose my hold on life. I'm not satisfied where I am, or where I'm going.
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God needs you to give up yourself in order to pursue Him, but He doesn't want you to give up your pursuit of Him. If you've already given up you life in deference to His purpose, and if that is the one thing you need to hold on to, then by simple reasoning the conclusion is that you must not give that up. If God's purpose is what is keeping you alive, it's best not to let it go.
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That is what is driving me, but the plans I have made are not satisfying to me. What makes it worse is that I constantly attempted to ensure that these were not "my" plans, but plans I made dependent on the doors God was opening. So I made (or am making) a mistake somewhere. Either I have conceived expectations from my own self (and thus, have been deceived), or I have compromised my plans because of difficulties that surfaced (meaning that I simply need to re-focus).
P.S. For those concerned...when I lose focus on God's purpose, then I am distracted by other things that
provide purpose - relationships come to mind - and they (the person) become as important to me as
the purpose they replace. I say this not in order to reveal something about me as much as to say that if
you find yourself clinging to someone like I do, then it's probably time to question whether you are
focused on God's will for your life.
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