I'm reminiscing...

There is something about the slower and quieter moments of the holiday that makes it easy to do so. And I wonder if it is a constructive thing to do. I mean, there is a difference between living in the past and learning from it. And for me, it's easy to be distracted by all the stuff I've left behind; and maybe that's what makes me cautious about reminiscing. I think its an honest fear, but I think I'm also missing alot. And as I consider this thanksgiving what I have to be thankful for I am recalling memories that from the past few years - some good and some bad. But above all I am reminded of the "lost causes"; the areas that I have felt as though I failed, the choices that I that I have failed to make (or made unwisely) and all the pursuits that I wasted time and effort on. I know that this is a time to remember blessings, but I guess it I focus more readily on the "curses" so to speak. And yet, even though it isn't all pleasant, I find myself thinking and reminiscing - as though it is some unavoidable reality. And in a way, I am drawn to my past - not because I want to be there, but because there is a lot of stuff that wasn't resolved constructively - and those things have a way of holding me back until they are resolved. Maybe reminiscing has just delved up issues and feelings that I thought I had dealt with then, and maybe it's that I want them to be resolved. 

I think that's it; memories - people, places, things - from our pasts, tend to have a persona attached to them - our persona, when they were relevant and involved in our life. And so they tend have a draw to them, a draw that can easily "revert" us to be whoever we were at that point in our lives. And this is especially pertinent if they are unresolved issues or struggles - to the point that even the memory of them can have that pull. 

Maybe the bottom line is, I want to move on. Remembering the thing that God has blessed me with is an encouraging thing to do. And I want to be able to reminisce, I just don't want to end up stuck.

It's hard to move on when you feel as though your past is incomplete - and I just want to feel as though it's finished. I wonder if anyone else can relate?

Thank you God for people...