An Essay On Purpose

I guess I'm finding it very difficult to explain how I determined the purpose that God designed me for. Maybe that's because I didn't determine it, I just failed at finding purpose in everything else I tried. I guess that's how some of us learn – trial and error. That's not the best way to learn, I suppose, but that is the way that I have gotten here. Actually, I take that back – it wasn't trial and error for God, just for me. Maybe timing is everything, and maybe that is where God comes in most. But I do know some things, and I might as well say what I know...

I had to think. It didn't come by accident; it didn't come from running away from my problems; it didn't come from losing myself in my imagination; it didn't come from grabbing all the things I wanted; it didn't come from focusing on myself; it didn't come from taking a test or filling out a survey; it didn't come from someone telling me; and it definitely didn't come from me. It came when I was intentionally looking, when I was wrestling with my problems, when I was grounded in reality, when I let go of the things I was pursuing, when I was focused on others, when I was walking with God, when I was listening to Him, and it came from Him.

There is a lot of intention in all this, personal intention. And a lot of phrases and terms that would have disgusted me if this were you talking to me three months ago. Phrases like “running from my problems”, “focusing on myself”, “letting go of things”, and the most volatile, “walking with God”. They are so overused and used in so many different scenarios that they don't carry meaning generically anymore. So if my use of these terms irritates you or makes me officially “one of those people”, then maybe it will help you to know that they mean something to me – something specific. Maybe it would help to explain what they mean to me...

“Running from my problems”. To me this means avoidance. A refusal to resolve an issue in yourself or with another person because of fear, indecision, selfishness, anger, or whatever. When you are running from your problems you are allowing the bridges that you have built in your life to burn behind you. You flee the flames, using the very energy that could put out the fire and restore the life in that area of your life. But you run, and as you do that part of your life slowly dies eventually turning cold and hard.

“Focusing on myself”. When I use this term I am not referring to self-evident selfishness, I am referring to the less obvious short-term perspective on oneself. It's the focus that results in us pursuing our own satisfaction and enlightenment. Like in a college students all-encompassing pursuit of a degree in an area that he/she is 'good' at. Like in the attempts of most people trying to prove their value and worth to other people and society. Like in the demands of picky people that everything be “just right”. It's not the blatant “look out for #1”, it's the pervasive “pursue what you enjoy”.

“Letting go of things”. We all have things that we are good at, that we enjoy. But I think that “enjoy” is a conditional term for many people. Meaning, that we enjoy certain things because we are good at them and thus, they bring us value in front of the world. Think of it, and then think of things in your life that fit that – guess what? Those are idols. So, when I use the term “letting go”, I am referring to the acknowledgment that those things are no longer what define worth for a person. And when those things are released, the whole paper castle comes tumbling down and you are finally able to find a solid foundation to build upon.

“Walking with God” (I wonder if this is the most volatile because it is the least respected in usage. Faith and hypocrisy walk hand in hand for many people). But this is possibly the least complicated for me – it simply means keeping in mind the fact that He exists, and that he is my Father. And for me, that is as simple as writing to Him and talking through my thoughts with Him...

I used a term “Personal Intention”. And that is one that I coined. Yes, the process of discovering you God-given purpose is intentional; it requires you to be actively pursuing to find it. And I wonder if that is the crux of the struggle. See, for many people (me in the foremost) we have to be brought to the bottom of the pit, we've got to hit bedrock before we stop digging and take the time to look up and realize that – hello, the light we've been seeking is above us. We've got to lose hope in the room we're in before we'll take the stairs. And when we're sitting in that room, surrounded by failed attempts, we've got to desire betterment, or we'll lack the energy to climb the steps and try the door at the top...

- God help us