I had someone ask me recently why I do this, why I spend time and effort to analyze life...
It's an honest, and difficult, question; I mean, do I do this because I crave the feeling of control it gives me, or because it gives me some sort of purpose? Or maybe I do this because I don't like limits and I simply want an understanding of everything; is that why? Yes, on all of those answers - to a point. Lets just say that they are all "facets", of why I do this, but the answer is more complicated. We all have been created uniquely, and for a purpose. God put in me a desire to exercise my mind, to stretch it and use it - it's an ability that is both a great strength of mine as well as an unfortunate weakness. He also gave me a sensitive heart, one that is jolted into action not only by love, but also by hurt - hurt for others. And so, entrusting my soul to God, I apply my mind where my heart leads...
It hasn't always been this way. I was raised on a solid christian home and was sheltered to some extent from "unhealthy" influences. And yet, I wasn't right; something was missing and I didn't know what it was. Now I do - it was my heart. Due to reasons I don't understand I had walled it off, shut it up and shut it down; I was leading my heart with my mind. God changed this when is was 18, He reached down in the dysfunctional mess of my life and cracked the shell around my heart with a sense of His love. Since then, I have been hurt, discouraged, broken - used more than I ever had; and yet, despite my habit of taking the reins from God's hands, He always takes them back when I'm about to die and gives me sufficient encouragment to continue living.
So...
I do this for me, to help me work through my thoughts. And I do this for God, because He first loved me. My posts will vary with my outlook on life - they'll go up and down. Some will be positive, some will be negative. But do keep in mind that these are just my thoughts, not God's laws. I'm fallible and my thoughts are too - but He's not.
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