Say the Words

I'm vulnerable right now - and causes me fear. When I'm facing hurt I run...
I want to break that pattern; maybe I never will, but I imagine that I will at some point -  at least I can try. It would just be easier if I knew how to stand against pain. I guess it begs the question; do you address the cause or the root...

I'm afraid that it won't work. That I'll try my best and fail like I always have. I'm afraid that I'll just keep getting hurt and never really find where the dysfunction lies; I'm afraid that I have no better option than what I currently do. I'm afraid that I'll keep losing things that I value until I finally pin-point whatever it is that I am holding onto; nothing I have is more important that relationships, what do I need to let go of? Why can I not release my expectations and hopes? Am I afraid of dying? No, I'm afraid of being alone...

 - Ring the Bells


P.S. Hmm, a pretty honest assessment, if I do say myself; what am I forgetting? That I'm not here for me...

End to Begin

You know, it's feels immature to re-learn something - foolish actually - but I don't think it needs to be. In fact, I would commend you if you are able to learn at all, much less twice. So, there is no shame in re-trying; it hurts to forget, and it hurts to fail - but as long as you can get back up and try again, you'll end up alright. I would far rather always be re-starting than left for dead.

Thank you God,
At least we live tonight

I'm exhausted...

Look at it in a different light

I guess we're all growing up in one way or another. Even adults I suppose - I mean, we're always learning. Life is that way, we can be certain that there is a new realization - or lesson - waiting around the corner. It is an unfortunate person who is no longer willing to change his/her mind; maybe more unfortunate is the person who thinks they no longer need to learn...

I say all that, because I am hurt when I run into people like the two mentioned above. But that's another post...

I have an encouragement for people. And I want them to take it, and that is why I started out the way I did. My suggestion is to...ahh, idk - I wish I could put into words what I want to say...just, please don't ever think you don't need to be better.

With downcast eyes

There's more to living than being alive

- Anberlin

A clock-face earth

Turning the Ocean's tides
Left out beneath the skies
Longing to bring back a dream
The shifting sands never lie
Cities fall, people die
And love is lost amid this stream


If our life was a lie
Then it wouldn't hurt to cry,
Or lose a hope we had in sight
So we attempt to hide
With our turmoil inside,
And the dark curtains of night


But the sun will yet rise
And light up our eyes
To remind us that we have only life
And if that does not serve
As our reason to live
Then I don't know what will suffice

- Casey Allen