Alexithymia

God created two kinds of people for this world

- Those who express their emotions Through the scenarios of life; 

- And those who can express the emotions In them.

There's a lot tied to this one...

More on communication

I'm not a debater.
This could be seen as odd, I suppose - I'm a patient strategizer and a logical thinker. And yet there is something about debates that has always seemed to be unproductive to me. We see them take place between politicians and religious leaders, we have clubs set apart for the sole purpose of debating, we watch them live and on television - and tell me if I'm wrong - but we give kudos to the debater who speaks the most intelligently - or the one who "controls" the debate. In other words, the "winner" is the one who can confuse the opponent in front of an audience. And I think that is wrong.
See, I'm noticing something about people. And this is what I'm noticing: that everyone is logical to an extent. (Please, stay in your chairs - let me finish) And I say that, because every decision that we make is the result of a process - the mind will not prompt action without being certain that the action is to be done. And that is logic (the steps and influences that are part of the decision-making process is a completely different issue). This is why everyone must be 'convinced' that their way is wrong - they must be given sufficient reason to doubt their own logical process and be given sufficient reason that your's is solid (can you guess where I'm going with this?).This is what I mean by a speakers "motivation" - his ability to cause you to adopt his own logical process. This is what a debate is.
Unfortunately, whenever we sense that our decision-making process is being challenged we become...well, wary and watchful - we critique the source of the input, and any flaw that is found (whether or not the flaw has anything to do with the source's thinking process) makes us automatically discredit the process that is being presented to us. And when we perceive that someone-else's thinking process is being "challenged" we unconsciously critique the source of the challenge in the same way. This is why we consider one debater a "winner" and one a "loser", this is why some speakers motivate us and others don't. But just because one debater "won", or we left the auditorium motivated, does not mean that any communication took place (or any true life altering) - the only thing that it signifies is that the individual was a better/good speaker. And I find it hard to respect someone who is unfeeling enough to debase another person's decision-making process - I would like to see if he would have made a different decision had he been the other person.
I believe there is a different way to alter a persons decisions (which is really what debates are for). A way motivated by love and the realization of the value of a person - and a person's decision-making process. A way that is more effective than arguing; a more subtle and gentle way convince people of the truth. A way that comes with the understanding that everyone is logical, and that the key to a communication (or altering decisions/actions/life) is not in "one-upping" the opponent (or the listener), but in understanding the thinking processes of the person/audience.
See, debaters take truth and run it through their process and try to prove, by the result, that their process is right -their mindset is right. But there are two things that make up decisions. Not only the process (which is dependent on the person - unique for everyone), but also the input. See that? Affecting the Process is inefficient (you waste a lot of effort) and temporary (who's to say whether they will hear a more convincing speaker tomorrow, and after enough altering, a lack of trust develops). On the contrary, affecting the Input (back in your chairs please, listen) is very efficient (but it requires a lot more effort) and it is permanent (the process is not affected and trust is maintained). I am definitely not advocating that truth be changed, but I am suggesting that it is possible to phrase truth in different ways. And the key is to perceive the other person's reality, put yourself in it and decide what to say dependent upon how you would react to that input (since you are now "that person"). So instead of restructuring the mold (which has consequences for the person) to ensure that the result looks right, you are changing the consistency of the plaster to affect the outcome.

That being said: the only way for it to be constructive to alter the input, is if you are motivated not by selfishness, but by love for people - love from God. Otherwise, you won't be in any better area. In fact, not only is His love required, but His grace is also required to allow you to put yourself in another person's reality and react with compassion and love, and not condemnation.
The second disclaimer is that there may be a time and a place to alter a person's decision-making process, but that process is a God-given trait and as such, it is His responsibility and not ours to change take responsibility for - we can't do it effectively, believe me! We will only mess the people up; we do not have sufficient control over other's minds to alter them without being destructive to them.
 

...

I'm here again

A thousand miles away from you

A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am

I tried so hard

Thought I could do this on my own

I've lost so much along the way

Then I see Your face

I know I'm finally Yours

I find everything I thought I lost before

You call my name

I come to You in pieces

So You can make me whole

I've come undone

But You make sense of who I am

Like puzzle pieces in Your hand

I tried so hard! So hard!

I tried so hard!

Then I see Your face

I know I'm finally Yours

I find everything I thought I lost before

You call my name

I come to You in pieces

So You can make me whole

So You can make me whole

I think this song has beauty - it has truth, and that is beautiful. 

Thank You God...

(I badly want to feel, but I am emotionally weary right now) 

Some Thoughts On Communication

I noticed something today; I noticed the difference between speaking to someone and actually communicating to them. Good speakers are few - people who can intelligently phrase their words and captivate the listener while talking about something worthwhile. And yet, the vast majority of good speakers never actually communicate. You listen to good speakers and it makes and impression on your mind: "yes, he makes sense. He's right, we should take his advice". But there it stops, you are only motivated while he is "pushing" you - once the push of his logical words and argument is gone, then you return to your normal life. Sadly, I can think of many situations in my life where I heard truth and was captivated, but it never went any further because it failed to be communicated to me. Why does it seem like that is the case? Why can't you just speak change into someone when they are struggling? You can lay truth in front of them, you can make it into an irrefutable argument, and you can even capture their attention for a time and watch them leave with a motivation that seems real, only to see nothing. I'm laying a case here that it is impossible to genuinely motivate people with speaking. This would mean that "motivational speakers" is an oxymoron and they aren't of any use. Speaking only leaves people with a pseudo-motivation and that eventually causes people to become disillusioned with truth and those who communicate it - and disregard it. You come, you speak, you shout and stomp, you wave your hands in the air, you act cool and collected, calmly laying out your hypothesis, you expend all your energy to get you point across and make their mindset change (some do maybe), but a stolid group remains. The people that really need to hear what you have say the most - why don't they get it? 

 So what's wrong with that picture?

Our mindset is the list of truths that we see as reality; it's what dictates our decisions, perceptions, responses, etc. This is what must be changed in order to affect our behaviors and, really, our lifestyle. Speakers attempt to do this by convincing the mind that their way makes sense and is true, but  - strangely enough - our mindset is not set by our mind; it's set by our heart. And therefore, "changing our mind", really doesn't help the issue; It's our heart that needs to be changed. And the thing is, that the heart can sense when the mind is being addressed and when it does, it zones out. And is then unaffected by what is being spoken. Communicators address the heart. And that requires understanding the person; being able to put yourself in their heart and see their "reality" from their view. It requires the presence of God in one's heart - a sense of His grace and an overwhelming amount of His love for people. The very thing that makes a good speaker good at speaking, makes him unable to communicate. I know which one I try to be. Communication is huge, so huge in healthy relationships and restoration - I'll post more on that when my thoughts get more in order.

And the Life of Death

Death came so close, shutters closed, darkness fell, the numb set in. What a paradox, being strangled by the very thing that was designed to bring happiness? And yet, the end is not yet. Life is such a relief. The rush of breeze. The drop of rain. The ray of sun. How is it that I forget that God is a God of the living and not of the dead? That He is a God of grace, of restoration and forgiveness, not of pain. And that He loves us. And he uses people, the very cause of our turmoil, to remind us of that. Yes, He created us to have relationships, to be loved, and to love others.

How can I explain the utter emotional despair and hopelessness at the loss of what you love? And how do I express the gratitude and joy at finding it's still there? There are simply no words that can describe the change. I wish I could, for your sake, but there are limits to the depth of feeling that can be communicated here. Ask me in person and I might be able to explain it - or actually, I couldn't - you'd just see it!

Hope. I lost it, but now I found it again - it's so good, so good. Thank God for hope. It brings life, and thank God for life!